Yeshua Still Amazes Me

Lately, I've been thinking about my own mortality.  Morbid, I know.  I often wonder what my little world would be like -- without me.  How would my family go on?  How would my friends cope?  Certainly the world would continue on as it always has.  My life is but a small influence on this big earth.  However, I'd like to think I've reached a few people for Christ -- at least five that I know of for sure -- my children.

I often wonder what my funeral would be like, and how I'd be remembered.  I should hope the one thing that comes to mind, the one thing people cannot avoid, the one thing that would be shining throughout every corridor of my existence -- would be my love for YESHUA.  I should hope my friends and family would be happy and joyous in knowing I was HOME with Him FOREVER.

But thoughts like these bring the curious mind to play out scenarios of what my family might go through in the event of my passing.  And it truly brought home the idea that we as Christians are the light of the world.

In my home, I am the only one that listens to Christian music.  Occasionally my daughters might, but not all the time.  Usually, I am singing and dancing along to my music while I do chores or cook dinner.  This light would be gone.

I'm usually loud in general, and my laugh (I've been told since my tender years) is quite ear-splitting.  In high school, folks used to refer to me as, "You know, Rebecca -- the one with the laugh?"  In my absence, the house would be quiet.

In my family, I am the only one who cares to go to church on a semi-regular basis.  I attend a small group and sometimes show at extra-curricular activities.  The only reason there is no dust on our Bibles is because I read them.  Occasionally my kids do as well, but not nearly as often.  The constant reinforcement of Scripture, therefore, would be lost.

I love to post on Facebook and this blog and a few Christian forums, edifying the brethren and sharing things the Spirit has taught me.  That soul food from our Lord would be dried up.

I am not saying all this as a downer, these are merely the thoughts I've had.  If God decided to take me, His light in me would go out in my corner of the world.  There are other lights -- my kids obviously, and my sister's family too.  If any one of them passed away, a similar story would be told.  We are all lights for Yeshua, we just vary from glory to glory.

Some of us prefer a quiet faith, while others prefer to live out loud.

But I have noticed in my own life that I am a "live out loud" Christian, while those in the closest proximity to me are of a quiet, if not dormant (or semi-dormant) faith.  I used to have like-minded believers around me in my youth, but for years after I married, I went through a long drought of the things of God.  Two years ago, I decided to do something about it and retired from writing romance for His glory.  I also decided it was time for me to find a church on my own.  I refocused my life to point to GOD FIRST, and then everything else to follow.  I worked hard to purge every vain idol hidden in my heart.

In short, my relationship with God is now the most precious one I have.  He is my Best Friend, my King, my All-in-all.  I would hope HE is what my friends and family would remember about me the most.  That I was gung-ho and unrepentant about what I believed.  That I jumped in head-first to the things of God and never looked back.  That this world no longer held any worth or entertainment for me, that all I lived for was YESHUA.

I want the memory of my very life to be a shadow of the Gospel.  I want to glorify my Lord even in my death.  I want people to be inspired, to stand in awe and say, "Now there was a woman who loved God!"

Not for my own sake, mind.  I will no longer be here.  I will be enjoying my eternity with the One my soul loves.  No, for HIS sake.  For the glory of HIS name.  That is the cry of my heart.

If I had my druthers, the Gospel itself would be preached at my funeral.  It would be required that awesome stories be told.  I would like praise songs to be sung, worship to be had, and thanks to be given, that Yeshua died to save me, that I'm safe and sound in His Loving arms.  I would hope the focus would be on HIM and not on ME.  That my life so reflected HIM that every story told would reveal Him.

After all these years, Yeshua still amazes me.  He's never left me.  He's been with me since I asked Him into my heart as a thirteen-year-old girl.  Folks I know that used to be on fire for Him have now cooled, but I haven't.  I've kept myself close to His robes.  I don't want to fall away.  I don't want to ever face this world without my God walking before me, without my God at my right hand (Psalm 16:8).  I know how I am.  I know how I spin out of control at times.  I need my Anchor.  I need my Rock.  I need the One Who's always been with me.  I need the One Who knows me better than anyone else on the planet.  I need the One who gives me peace, joy, and strength.

Perhaps I've been able to keep my childlike qualities.  I know for a fact that I've returned to my First Love.  He's rekindled within me a Love that burns brighter than ever before.  And He's given me a means to share Him with the world.

If He takes me out sooner rather than later, then I want the world to know I have NOTHING apart from Him -- He created me, the air I breathe, the food I eat, the family I have...  He's given me the home I live in, the cars I drive, the friends I have, the church I've longed for, and above all -- Eternal Life.  To me, God is THE MOST beautiful, glorious, wonderful, spectacular, generous, and loving Being in existence.

He STILL amazes me!  He will continue to amaze me for an eternity.  Hallelujah.  \O/



~~Becka