So, like Mary, the mother of Jesus, I hide these things in my heart (Luke 2:19).
Upon reading a journal entry of mine that's about six months old now, I felt the nudge of the Lord that it was time to share it, that perhaps by my example, others can know there are more Christians out there like them. Perhaps they can know they're not alone, that there are Christians who, like King David, pant after and long for the heart of their God. There are those who aren't blinded by the emotional outbursts of some, or the false pretenses of others. There are those with discernment and the gift of faith, who stand tall upon the Rock of their salvation--who see Christ high and lifted up, and magnify His holy name.
Or perhaps this can be an example to others who don't know Christ in this way, who have never considered loving Him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. Maybe they've stumbled upon this blog by accident, maybe they're a Christian, and yet have never beheld a mature believer who's not simply "on fire for Jesus", like many a charismatic may claim, but rather, has surrendered their life unto Him in total and complete trust and devotion.
Therefore, without further adieu, here is my own personal journal entry from March 20th, 2014:
After reading the account of Sarah Edwards and her love affair with the Lord God, I was inspired to write down my own thoughts and feelings regarding the Treasure of Heaven.
Yeshua Messiah is everything to me. He is my all-in-all. In Him, there is nothing I lack; I have all I need. I see His beauty everywhere - the sky, the birds, the flowers. He speaks to me in gentle, lilting ways, igniting my heart as well as my mind. The angels speak true - the whole earth is full of His glory!
The depth of my closeness to Him is as an ocean, bottomless and vast. No matter how deep I go, there is more depth to plunder. No matter how far I go, the far shore is never sighted. And yet I know my finite brain has only seen God as through a key hole, just a glimpse of His majesty, just a taste of His sweetness.
But that is all it takes to make me hunger for more, a famine for the Word of the Lord.
The Bible is a feast - the Word is bread; it is the table that God has prepared before me in the presence of my enemies. Every page, every word, a glittering gem, a thread, a rabbit hole of deeper and fuller understanding of the character of God - through Yeshua our Lord.
God's truths have been made manifest to me - no longer written in a Book, but upon my heart, real and everlasting. And through these promises and knowledge of His character, I spend so much time in prayer, adoring my Maker, my Husband, the God of the whole earth. The Lord of Hosts is His name!
The sky is His tabernacle; my heart is His Holy of holies. He dwells before me, beside me, within me, closer than my very breath. There isn't an atom in my body which does not adore Christ. He is my daily pursuit, my magnificent obsession, the Lover of my soul. No book is more precious to me than the Song of Solomon, of knowing Yeshua so thoroughly that I can say with confidence -- "He is my Beloved and my Friend, the Chiefest among ten thousand!"
And yet He condescends to love me unconditionally, the chiefest among sinners.
How can I not be fascinated by such devotion? How can I not be moved to know that God Himself did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, that He counted it all as loss in order to win His Bride - to win ME?
God's love is better than life - now the psalmist speaks true. To live is Christ, but to die is gain for we shall ever be with the Lord. What sweeter reality is there? What earthly promise can compare?
Communing with Christ brings Heaven to earth. Entering His presence is both weighty and wonderful. His love is tender, it is true, it is so fulfilling to heart and soul. A saddened heart becomes joyous, an agitated heart becomes at peace, an offended heart melts with love.
Christ has saved the best of my walk with Him for now, when I can know and appreciate Him as my Bridegroom and not just as my Father, Brother, or Friend. He has brought me into His chambers and His banner over me is love. He has clothed me with the gold of Ophir and tells me that one glance from my eye ravishes His heart.
I feel Him all around me - at all times - wherever I go. He is my garment and my fragrance. He has visited me in dreams, and He is glorious. The longer I sit in His presence, the more aware I am of His holiness compared to my sinful nature. I feel the divide between us, how far I am from Him in righteousness, and yet, He says, "Look at Me."
But I say, "No, Lord, do not look upon me, for I am black with sin."
He answers, "My dove, there is no stain upon you."
He has blessed me far beyond all I could ask or think - I am the object of His affection and at times feel Him very close to me. He loves me, and while I know I do not deserve Him, He has given Himself to me and for me, so I may be with Him where He is.
I was created for Him. I was created to worship and adore Him. And I do, wholeheartedly.
He is the object of MY affection, and may it never be otherwise. I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine. I have found the One whom my soul loves.
Yeshua Messiah, Son of God, Lord of Hosts, King of Kings, Ancient of Days.
Words are not adequate to describe my devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. I praise Him that He can read my heart, for He is the strength of my heart, and my portion... FOREVER.