...it seems as if "someone" is determined for me not to enjoy this church at all.
By "someone", I mean the enemy.
It's taken me awhile to get to a place where I feel comfortable going to church on my own, without my husband. He is Christian, yet jaded against churches and cynical, if you will, about how they push their own agenda rather than Christ's agenda. He has never tried to prevent me from going to church or taking our children, so the decision to find a church was mine alone.
We are friends with a Christian couple, and so I decided to ask them if I could attend their church. They invited me along and I found it to be a warm, inviting place. Their worship is wonderful, and the messages are led by the Holy Spirit. I have found great joy at this church, and wish to continue going.
However, the first Sunday going to this church, my baby daughter had a melt-down. I don't know why, but perhaps because it was a new place with new people, but she did not like me leaving her alone in Sunday School with the rest of the toddlers. I had to listen to the sermon in the church office with my baby on my lap, not in the sanctuary.
The second week, my daughter seemed to be happy in Sunday School, so I breathed a sigh of relief and went to enjoy the sermon. But about 1/4 of the way through the message, she was brought back to me again. She wasn't crying, and after a few minutes indicated she wanted to go play with her friends again. So I took her back. And again, she was returned! I don't know why the staff kept coming back with her if she wasn't crying, but perhaps she mentioned she wanted to be "with Mommy", I don't know. Because she wasn't crying, I decided to stay in the sanctuary and enjoy the rest of the sermon.
The third week, my oldest daughter wasn't feeling well at all, and I left my baby daughter home with her. My son was off with his grandparents, enjoying a birthday sleepover at their house. So it was just me and my two middle daughters. (I have five kids.) I was looking forward to a "quiet" day at church. Anyway, I send off my younger daughter to her Sunday School class and sit for the sermon with my older daughter. She's fine all through worship, but right before the sermon, she gets an overwhelming feeling of nausea overcome her and she's terrified of throwing up in public. She just wanted to go home.
So, I packed up my younger daughter -- without hearing the sermon -- and came home early.
UGH. I really want to enjoy church-time. I've finally found a church I enjoy. My kids really enjoy it as well, but circumstances haven't made me really ENJOY it since I've started going. I've contemplated just leaving my kids at home and going by myself, but they all really love Jesus and love going to church and making new friends.
I just haven't been able to worship God and concentrate on the message like I want to and it's quite frustrating.
They have adult meetings throughout the week that I might consider going to -- without the kids. I want to commune more with fellow Christians and make new friends, and I'm making an effort, but for whatever reason, it seems like there's been something "against" me from the beginning of this endeavor.
But I'm not giving up! It's got to calm down at some point, right?? What are the odds of something crazy happening EVERY Sunday?
~~Becka
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