Saturday, July 7, 2012
Clutching to the Hem of His Garment
I am desperate to stay close to Yeshua. With all of my strength (which is, admittedly, not much), I cling to Him as hard as I can. Like the man in this photo, I want to lay my head on His chest, breathe Him in, and stay there, forever in His arms.
Being a Christian is so hard in this world. There is so much sin, so much ugliness. If I don't keep myself disciplined to look toward Christ, I will look away from Him. It disgusts me that the world woos me from my Blessed Creator, but it does. And not always with the obvious things.
Normal, everyday things pull me away from God. Chores. Errands. More and more I am noticing when I turn away from the presence of God. Perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps I'm finally coming to love and adore and recognize His presence. Maybe God is showing me that the siren song of the world is hollow indeed.
Every day has now become a longing for my True Home. My Home where I'm not constantly being pulled away from Yeshua. Imagine the picture above, but with clawing hands trying to yank me out of His embrace, tearing at me to do this, do that, and forget Him. Sometimes I do forget Him. In the drudgery of "real life", I often forget about God. Going to the store, doing chores, running errands... and I can't stand it.
I don't know for sure, but I think our lives in Heaven will be lived 100% in the presence of God. We will not be tempted to turn away by the lure of sin, we won't be pulled from Yeshua's arms by something that is mundane. Everything we will do will be lived out to perfection in Him. We will share in His Divine Nature (2 Peter 1:4), and He will grant us to sit on His Throne (Revelation 3:21). I cannot imagine the communion we will have with our God in those days.
All I know is I don't have that communion yet.
Right now, I have the indwelling Holy Spirit, which Scripture describes as the "earnest of our inheritance" (Ephesians 1:14), or in other words, a "good faith deposit" on what we will become upon our glorification. And I revel in knowing the Living God lives within me, making my heart His very Temple.
But even now, when I know I can freely come into His presence as a king and priest of the Most High (1 Peter 2:9, Revelation 5:10), my entire existence isn't converging with His. There are areas of my life He is not present in, and that is what I cannot stand. How can I abide in Him if sometimes...I forget Him?
I do not like coming out of my prayer closet.
In Heaven, I believe we will have His presence surrounding us tangibly. We will forever be in our prayer closets. We will never have those times where we "leave" the presence of God to go run an errand. Technically, we don't leave the presence of God now, since He lives inside of us. But due to my own sin nature and my sinful flesh, I cannot always "tap in" to God's presence. Sometimes, it seems far from me. Elusive. As if I must go hunting to find Him. As if I can see Him through a window, but I'm never able to touch and feel Him.
But then, ah then, it will be as if two lovers in a long-distance relationship never have to leave each other any more.
I had a long distance relationship with my husband when we were fiancees. It was very hard to be apart from him. But the day I married him, I rejoiced, knowing I'd NEVER have to leave him again. It was an amazing feeling. All the heartache and suffering from being apart was OVER. And we were free to start a new life--together. I want that with Yeshua. I want His presence to be tangible in my life. I want to LIVE Him, BREATHE Him in, and NEVER leave His arms for the rest of my existence.
I suppose you could say I hunger and thirst for His righteousness. This world has made me weary. I'm tired of the every day monotony. I'm tired of worldly problems. I'm tired of sin and the ugliness within my own heart. I want to be clothed with Christ, I want to put on His purity and don His holiness as my own. I want to start That Life and leave this one behind in the dust, with my hand firmly in His.
But until God calls me into Glory, all I can do is cling to Him. Fervently. With all I've got. Because He is all I that have. If I turn away, just for a moment, I risk falling down a slippery slope and losing my intimacy with the only One who's loved me with a perfect Love. I cannot let that happen. So I strive to stay beside Him, because the world is forcibly tug-tug-tugging at me to forsake my First Love. My True Love. My Only Love.
As the Apostle Peter once said, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68)
The Kingdom is within us. Such profound words. God Himself dwells inside our hearts. Even so, I long for the day when I can take off this filthy tent and put on that glorious tabernacle. (2 Corinthians 5:1-9)
......Come quickly, Lord Yeshua......